2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Gift is Worth a Thosuand Words

What I got everyone for Christmas this year....

Mom: A two-headed twelve inch white dildo. (she can share it with a friend.)

Dad: A fatass blowup doll and a pink ball gag. (it was gag gift! HAHA!)

Sister: Penis erasers. (pass one out to everyone in her class.)

Grandmother: Anal beads. (Well...what did u want me to get her!?? A stupid fucking candle!?!)

God...I love Christmas!

Cruel or Hilarious?....

.......FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!

Xbox Christmas Prank...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9iPadxE0U

Although if my parents ever pulled that shit on me i'd slid their fucking throats and burn their bodies in the backyard! ;)

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!

BUSY AS HELL!

I've been so fucking busy lately, I haven't had time to post at all. And yet there's still so much shit I need to get done before Christmas. ONLY 3 DAYS AWAY!!!!!

It's times like this I wish slavery was still legal....

btw- Today is my sister's 15th bday. Happy birthday Ashole!!

This Week in 'That's What She Said'....

Mom is on the phone talking to her friend about our cellar being flooded with rainwater.

Mom: My downstairs is all wet.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Dad is Xmas shopping for my step grandfather.

Tommy: Hurry up.

Dad: I'm hurrying! He's a tough person to shop for. It's hard....its really hard.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Dad and Mom are trying to suck up the water in the basement with a hose.

Dad: You have to stick it in that hole!
Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Aunt talking to my little cousin about a candle.

Aunt: Blow it...or im gonna blow it!
Tommy: That's What She Said!!

Grandmother warning me about my melting ice cream.

Grandmother: Lick it before it drips all over the place.

Tommy: That's What HE Said!!!!!!

Mom and sister are discussing how to cook a soft pretzel in the microwave.

Mom: The longer you put it in the harder it will get.

Ashley: Noooo...the longer you put it in the softer it will get.

Tommy: That's What She Said!!!

BONUS

Tommy: Ashley! ASH!! Hurry up! Come here now! Quick!!

Ashley: I'm coming...im coming...im coming! That's What He Said!!

(High Five Ash!)

Oprah drops a BOMBSHELL: SHE'S FAT!!!!!!!

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!! Oprah Winfrey......FAT?!?!?!?! I'm speechless!

Read the SHOCKING, UBELIEVABLE news!.....

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ukpress/article/ALeqM5gD2aNX_oSFh7bKztKDWqvG5QWWxg

I guess she assumes her audience is made up completely of the fucking blind....

Tommy's Dicktionary: December 5th 2008

CLITORIETY

Definition: The quality or condition of being an unfavorable, illfated vagina.

Verb

Example: I bet that skanky stripper's cunt has clitoriety.

A-HA! I Knew It!!

Just read....

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4B423V20081205