QUOTES FROM MY LIFE 2

Starring:
Tommy
Dad
Mom
Sister Ashley
Best friend Matt, brothers Andrew and Brian
Grandmother

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

Mom: Shit
Tommy: What?
Mom: I lost my phone!
Tommy: Oh..
Mom: I know it's somewhere in the house....call it!
Tommy: Okay...PHONE!!!!! PHOOOOONE!!! Come here phone!! PHONE!!!
Mom: Come on!
Tommy: It's probably asleep under one of the beds.

Tommy: Why do we have to stop at the store?
Dad: Your mother wants coke.
Tommy: Nah, she has enough drugs for the week.

Driving in the car
Dad: Look at that dog over there he's taking a shit.
Tommy: PULL OVER! I wanna put my mouth under his ass.
Ashley: Sick...

Ashley and her friends are sleeping over at a hotel.
Tommy: Ash...you know what you have to do before you leave a hotel, you have to steal something.
Ashley: Okay, we'll steal some towels.
Tommy: Fuck that, take the TV!

Timmy is the guy my dad works with.
Tommy: How old is Timmy? 22, right?
Dad: I don't know...
Tommy: I thought he was 22?
Dad: Wait...yeah, you're right. I remember him mentioning that it was his birthday last week.
Tommy: ohhh...did u fuck him in the ass to celebrate?
Dad: Yeeeah...that's what I did. I fucked him in the ass on his bday.(sarcastic)
Tommy: Well, I hope you took him out to dinner first.
Dad: You're sick!

Tommy: I need to buy a new car.
Dad: You don't work!!
Tommy: A nice 2009, too!
Dad: YOU DON'T WORK!!
Tommy: Oh yeah...I gotta buy my house in New Hampshire next year, too!!
Ashley: You don't work!!!!
Tommy: I'll get a car, a house...what else?
Dad: YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB!!!

Tommy: What if I told you I got a job today?
Dad: I'd say you were lying out your ass.
Tommy: And you would be right!

Dad: Why didn't you take out the trash today?
Tommy: I couldn't, I was sick in bed with AIDS. But im feeling better now.
Dad: So you had the 24 hour AIDS?
Tommy: Yep!

Matt: Dontchya wanna hold a nigger down and pee in his face?
Dad: WHAT?!
Tommy: Hahahahahahah....yes or no?!?!

Tommy: I did alot today. I got up early, too.
Dad: Good...what time did u get up? 6, 7?
Tommy: 11:30