Fucking HILARIOUS!!!

STORY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!

'Black Friday' took a violent turn as over-zealous shoppers trampled a Walmart worker to death in Long Island, NY at 5am.
The 34-year-old Queens man died after 'hundreds' of people broke down the doors and flooded the store......

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7013225247

I WOULD DO THE EXACT SAME THING!!! Don't EVER underestimate the mystical powers of the MIGHTY Walmart!!!

YESSSS!!! THERE IS A GOD!!!!

The carpetmunching whale's shitty variety show was a COLOSSAL flop!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/tvguide/390031_tvgif29.html

NBC will NOT be bringing it back! HAHAHA!

Southern Baptist terrorists launch attacks in India!!!

Hahaha....just kidding! Of course they're MUSLIM terrorists! DUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7751160.stm

We have hundreds of perfectly good nukes just sitting there collecting dust. Shame Shame Shame!!

Kill Me NOW!!!!!!

Rosie O'Donnell's variety special 'Rosie Live' premieres tonight.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE THIS FAT FUCK ANOTHER SHOW?!!?!?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosie_Live!

There's a good reason the show is on the night before Thanksgiving and not the holiday itself. NBC doesn't want viewers barfing their fucking turkey up.

Break a neck Ro!

Whaaaat the FUCK?!!

Add another retarded stupid celebrity baby name to the LONG LONG list of retarded stupid celebrity baby names! Over the weekend talentless airhead Ashlee Simpson and her faggy pussy husband Pete Wentz announced the birth of their first son. And his name is.............(drumroll please!)..............................


BRONX MOWGLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woooow....They mineaswell just name the kid Dildohead Shitpants.

http://www.nationalledger.com/ledgerpop/article_272623939.shtml

I hope that douchebag Pete Wentz teaches the little bastard to fight and defend himself. He's going to get his fucking ass kicked when he goes to school! (you know...I might even do it myself!...)

Good luck Bronx!

Ehhh..

Sorry I haven't posted in recent days. I've been suffering from a severe case of niggeritis. I haven't done much of anything lately.

The Best Fucking Thing EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a $350 10.2 Insignia portable DVD player!!!! You can take this motherfucker ANYWHERE with you!!

Now I can fufill my lifelong dream of taking a dump and watching South Park at the same time! HOOOOORAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annoying Liberal Word of the Day

If u have a stupid fucking dirtbag liberal friend, chances are they have used these ANNOYING words.

WORD OF THE DAY

SHEEPLE- People who follow something or someone like a herd of sheep. Its use became widespread during the George W Bush era.

Next time you hear a braindead fucking liberal say that word be sure to whack'em upside the head. THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!!!

Look at my Shit!!

This is the stuff I bring with me everywhere I go...A red petlovers wristband (stolen from WalMart), 2 spare double A batteries, a spike wristband, a cell phone, a video camera, a watch, sunglasses, a black rolling ball pen, a digital camera, a wallet, and 2 iPods.

I might start carrying a handgun, too....;)

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 12th 2008

Rubbing her Nub

Definition: Female jerking/whacking/jacking off. Can also be used to describe female excitiment towards something.

Verb

Eample: I caught my mom rubbng her nub in the living room.

The MIGHTY MIGHTY Wal-Mart!

I FUCKING LOVE that store! Seriously, who doesn't like the grand magical WalMart? Tell me someone who hates it and i'll bash their fucking skull in with a fucking hammer. It has EVERYTHING!!!!! E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where else in this country can u do your grocery shopping and a buy a new pair of Spiderman underwear and gun at the same time?!? It's also the only place in America where poor white trash rednecks and the smelly minorities they hate can come together and coexist! Amazing!!

Not only is the great WalMart unifying, it serves as a good therapist, too. If you suffer from low self-esteem or image problems all u have to do is step foot in the store and take a look around. I guarantee you by the time you leave you'll feel ALOT better about yourself. Truuuust me....

I could go on and on about the legendary WalMart, but I have to get to bed. I'm going there first thing tomorrow morning! I can't wait to friviously spend money I don't have on stupid shit I don't need!!

GOD BLESS WALMART!!!!!! GOD BLESS CAPITALISM!!!! FUCK SOCIALISM!!!!!!!

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE 3

Starring:
Tommy
Sister Ashley
Mom
Dad
Grandmother
Best Friend Matt

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

Dad is chopping wood.
Tommy: Hey, need any help?
Dad: Yes!
Tommy: Fuuuuck....I was hoping you'd say no..........well, im not helping. (walks away)
Dad: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Dad: What the hell is that smell?
Ashley: It smells like feet.
Tommy: It's my ass!
Ashley: Gross!
Dad: It smells like a mix of ass and feet.
Tommy: Yeah, you might be on to something there...

Dad: I'm a Mit Romney fan.
Tommy: I know.
Dad: He'll run again.
Matt: You really like him?
Dad: Yes, I do.
Matt: Would u let him fit it inside you if he asked?
Dad: What?!
Matt: Let him stick it in you. Yoooou know what I mean. Just Once.
Tommy: Just Once!
Dad: You're fucking sick!

Throws an empty bag of chips on the ground.
Tommy: Fuck Al Gore and the environment!
Dad: Why do u guys like to litter?!
Tommy: It's a spirtual experience.
Matt: It helps us reach nirvana.

At Taco Bell. Eating the new 'volcano taco'.
Tommy: Fuck...this fucking volcano taco is hot!
Mom: Drink some water.
Tommy: Ahhh..it feels like its erupting in my mouth!!! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! Ahhh...

Ashley: Byeeee, im leaving.
Tommy: Have fun, Ash...remember if you're going to have sex, make sure u have it with women. You don't want to be a knocked up teen welfare bitch.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 9th 2008

These are words or phrases I use frequently.

Hair Pie

Definition: Vagina

Noun

Example: Pumpkin is good, but hair pie is my favorite.

Kitty Porn

My cat Mittenz looking at internet porn.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 8th 2008

Niggerlicker

Definition: Someone who licks African-Americans.

Noun, verb (niggerlicking)

Example: Don't be a no good niggerlicker!!

I'm thinking about inventing a Barack Obama ornament.....

So every family in America can hang a nigger from a tree this Christmas!

Got any Obama jokes?

Send them to tommyizasicko@aol.com

Picture This!

New Game!

Close your eyes and picture these images. Try not to laugh......or barf!

* Mother Teresa using a black dildo on herself.

* Barack Obama eating fried chicken out of Ted Kennedy's fatass.

* A 2-headed naked midget with a 25 inch dick.

* Green Aliens giving Oprah Winfrey an anal probe.

* A Chinese woman sucking milk out of a severely obese red headed woman's tits.

* A bodybuilder raping Elmo from Sesame Street.

* Osama Bin Laden taking a shit in Britney Spears' mouth.

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 7th 2008

Face Pussy

Definition: Facial hair

Noun

Example: I have to shave my face pussy before work.

It looks like Ellen has to give her toaster back....

Voters approve a ban on gay marriage.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ballot_measures

I'm surprised it passed considering California is such a hippie shithole. And you know what is hilariously ironic about this? A majority of blacks, the same "people" who voted for our new marxist in chief, SUPPORTED the ban! HAHAHA!!!

Gays.... meet the blacks.....Blacks....meet the gays.....

MINORITY FIGHT!!!!!!!!! MINORITY FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Tommy's Dicktionary: November 6th 2008

These are words or phrases that I use often in my daily conversations.

Deuce Down

Definition: To take a shit. A variation on the more well known "drop a deuce".

verb

Example: I just ate at Taco Bell now I have to deuce down!

THIS IS....

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: AMERICA DIES AT AGE 232!!!

1776-2008.

The communist socialist marxist anti-American anti-white anti-military smug elite radical left wing piece of shit nigger bastard douchebag fuck has been elected the 44th president of the United States!

WE'RE TOTALLY FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




NOTE: A FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE UNITED STATES WILL BE HELD IN LATE JANUARY.

It's Erection Day!

As the chinkynese would say...

I voted absentee 2 weeks ago. It's so much easier than wasting time standing in a fucking line for hours. Now, I think i'll spend the day handing out KFC coupons. Keep them in the restauraunts and out of the polling stations.

We can't have people like this dumb bitch voting....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ikOxi9yYk

Hmmm...what does she mean she won't have to worry anymore? Can someone translate? I don't speak 'lazy nigger'.

God Fucking HELP US!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Al Bundy supports Bacrack Yobama!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99HzP6BQm5Y

I didn't think the Bundys paid taxes....

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE 2

Starring:
Tommy
Dad
Mom
Sister Ashley
Best friend Matt, brothers Andrew and Brian
Grandmother

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

Mom: Shit
Tommy: What?
Mom: I lost my phone!
Tommy: Oh..
Mom: I know it's somewhere in the house....call it!
Tommy: Okay...PHONE!!!!! PHOOOOONE!!! Come here phone!! PHONE!!!
Mom: Come on!
Tommy: It's probably asleep under one of the beds.

Tommy: Why do we have to stop at the store?
Dad: Your mother wants coke.
Tommy: Nah, she has enough drugs for the week.

Driving in the car
Dad: Look at that dog over there he's taking a shit.
Tommy: PULL OVER! I wanna put my mouth under his ass.
Ashley: Sick...

Ashley and her friends are sleeping over at a hotel.
Tommy: Ash...you know what you have to do before you leave a hotel, you have to steal something.
Ashley: Okay, we'll steal some towels.
Tommy: Fuck that, take the TV!

Timmy is the guy my dad works with.
Tommy: How old is Timmy? 22, right?
Dad: I don't know...
Tommy: I thought he was 22?
Dad: Wait...yeah, you're right. I remember him mentioning that it was his birthday last week.
Tommy: ohhh...did u fuck him in the ass to celebrate?
Dad: Yeeeah...that's what I did. I fucked him in the ass on his bday.(sarcastic)
Tommy: Well, I hope you took him out to dinner first.
Dad: You're sick!

Tommy: I need to buy a new car.
Dad: You don't work!!
Tommy: A nice 2009, too!
Dad: YOU DON'T WORK!!
Tommy: Oh yeah...I gotta buy my house in New Hampshire next year, too!!
Ashley: You don't work!!!!
Tommy: I'll get a car, a house...what else?
Dad: YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB!!!

Tommy: What if I told you I got a job today?
Dad: I'd say you were lying out your ass.
Tommy: And you would be right!

Dad: Why didn't you take out the trash today?
Tommy: I couldn't, I was sick in bed with AIDS. But im feeling better now.
Dad: So you had the 24 hour AIDS?
Tommy: Yep!

Matt: Dontchya wanna hold a nigger down and pee in his face?
Dad: WHAT?!
Tommy: Hahahahahahah....yes or no?!?!

Tommy: I did alot today. I got up early, too.
Dad: Good...what time did u get up? 6, 7?
Tommy: 11:30