Happy Fucking Halloween!!!

What did the gay vampire say to his victims?

"I vwant to suck your pud!"

Have fun, kill someone! I'm out...

HORROR!!!!!

Anyone who knows me knows that I fucking dig Halloween. I eat tons of candy, go to a bunch haunted houses, decorate like crazy, dress in weird ass costumes, listen to spooky music and of course, watch a shitload of horror movies.

Here are some of my Halloweens favs:

1.Friday the 13th
2.Nightmare on Elm Street
3.Halloween
4.Dracula
5.Frankenstein
6.Faces of Death
7.Childs Play/Chucky movies
8.Rosemary's Baby
9.Psycho
10.The Ring
11.Silent Night,Deadly Night
12.Creepshow/Creepshow 2
13.Dead Alive
14.White Zombie
15.One Hour Photo

There's alot of others...but im too fucking lazy to write anymore.

You Gotta be Fucking Kidding Me!!!

On my way to Burger King this evening I saw a house lit up with CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!
It's not even Halloween yet and these idiots have their fucking house decorated for Christmas! They're probably the type of people who leave them on until February, too. Unbelievable...

New South Park begins in 20 mins!!

Heeeereeeeeeeeeee's Tommy!!!

What's the pedophile's favorite play?

'Diddler on the Roof'

What do u call a group of black kids searching for buried treasure?

The Coonies

What is the Mexican children's favorite game?

Spic Tac Toe.

QUOTES FROM MY LIFE

MY LIFE

Starring:
Tommy
Dad
Mom
Sister Ashley
Best friend Matt, brothers Andrew and Brian
Grandmother

**ALL THESE QUOTES ARE 100% REAL!!! EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE WAS REALLY SAID IN MY DAILY EXCHANGES WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS**

* Ashley's in the bathroom.
Tommy: Ash, what are u doing in there? Are u giving birth to a brown baby boy?
Ashley: Shut up!
Tommy: But seriously, if u ever give birth to a brown baby boy im gonna stick it in the blender and beat you to death with a fucking baseball bat.

* Dad: Take out the trash and then empty the cat box.
Tommy: Jesus Christ...i'm only one person.
Dad: Yeah, and u do the work of half a person.

* Tommy: It was fun having a garden this year. We're gonna have another one next year. I mean, it was a little work for me...but...
Dad: It was NO WORK for you....
Tommy: Ah..
Dad: AT ALL!
PAUSE
Tommy: Oh yeah...

* Tommy: What are u doing in there?
Ashley: I'm talking on the phone.
Tommy: Your talking to your clit?!?!
Ashley: THE PHONE!!
Tommy: WHAT?.....YOUR CLIT?!?!?
Ashley: THE PHONE!!!!!!
Tommy: Wow....Ashley's clit can talk!

* Watching Family Guy. Cleveland discusses cottage cheese.
Tommy: Hahaha...niggers love their cottage cheese.
Ashley (from the other room): Shut up Tommy....you eat cottage cheese!
Tommy: ASH..................goddamn it.....u ruined my racist moment!

* Tommy: Ash, what are hot pants?
Ashley: Pants that are not on you!

* Brian and Andrew playing a video game. Tommy is watching.
Brian: Move closer to the hole and shoot.
Andrew and Tommy (exact same time): THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!
Tommy: Wow...matching "thats what she saids"! Fucking Amazing!

* Mom: Your son won $100 on a scratch ticket...and he hoarded it all to himself.
Tommy: That's not true. I split it with you 50/50. I kept 90 and gave you 10.
Dad: That's not 50/50.
Tommy: It's close.

* Ash: My ass is asleep.
Tommy: I bet you want a black guy's dick to wake it up, right?

* Ashley: I'm sleeping with Nash, and Myles wants you to sleep with him tonight. (my 2 and 4 year old cousins)
Tommy: Tell him I will but only if he wears a condom.

* Ashley: Nash is so cute...I had a boo boo on my knee and he kissed it.
Tommy: Awww...Say you have a boo boo on your clit and ask him to kiss it!

Tommy: Ashley's home from the party....ok...smell her breath!!....then smell her cunt.
Ashley: You're a sicko!

* Dad: Go get me my drill.
Tommy: Legally I don't have to listen to you anymore.
Dad: Legally, I can throw your ass out of the fucking house and forget you exist.
Tommy: Touche....

* Dad: You and little Myles get along so well.
Tommy: Yeah!
Dad: It's probably cuz you're so close in age.
Tommy: Yeah, that's right.

* My bday cake is put on the table, with two candles 2 and 0 on it.
Tommy: YAY!!!! I WANNA GO TO CHUCK E CHEESE!!!
Dad: I think it would make more sense to take that 0 off the cake.
Ashley: Good idea.

* Ashley: Where was I when you went to New York?
Dad: You were in your mother's tummy.
Tommy: HOLY SHIT, SHE ATE ASHLEY?!?!

Something to Do When You're Bored Out of Your Fucking Mind

It's called 'The iPod Shuffle Game'. All you have to do is put your iPod on shuffle and list the songs that come up randomnly. I currently own 2 iPods. A blue iPod nano called 'The Blue Nigger' (full with 1,000 songs) and a newer black and silver version named 'Cho Cho Hole' (1,100 songs so far). I'll use the latter for this game.

I did it 20 times and here are the songs that came up:

1.) Rainy Day Parade by Staind
2.) Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson
3.) Miserable by Lit
4.) The Only by Static X
5.) Facade by Disturbed
6.) Rumble Fish by Sevendust
7.) Without You by Hinder
8.) Riot by Three Days Grace
9.) I Could Have Been a Dreamer by Dio
10.) Tell Me Why by Cold
11.) Slam by Midnight to Twelve
12.) Devour by Shinedown
13.) We Don't Have to Look Back Now by Puddle of Mudd
14.) Dumb by Nirvana
15.) Paint the Seconds by Chevelle
16.) Duck and Run by 3 Doors Down
17.) L.O.V.E. by Brian 'Head' Welch
18.) You're Gonna Go Far Kid by The Offspring
19.) I'll Stick Around by The Foo Fighters
20.) MisSunderstood by Earshot

That was fun! Now, back to eating Captain Crunch and scratching my balls....

National Holiday!

TODAY IS FREE TACO DAY AT TACO BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://blogs.reuters.com/shop-talk/2008/10/28/free-tacos-for-baseball-fans/

FUCKING SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!

Movies Most People Think Suck Ass But I Fucking Love!!

Inaugural edition! (HAA..I learned that fancy word over the summer.)

Freddy Got Fingered (2001).

Description from IMDB...

Tom Green plays Gord Brody, a slacker who dreams of becoming an animator for cartoon shows. He is forced to move back in with his parents, but then refuses to leave. Along the way, he sexually pleasures various farm animals, licks open flesh wounds, accuses his father of molesting his brother, goes scuba diving in a toilet, plays an organ with several sausages attached to it which are suspended in midair, and does a bunch of other stuff that is too insane, offensive, disgusting, or weird to be mentioned here.

Here's what movie critic Roger Ebert said at the time about the 5 time Razzie award winning 'Freddy'.

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels...The day may come when Freddy Got Fingered is seen as a milestone of neo-surrealism. The day may never come when it is seen as funny.

Most critics consider it the worst movie ever made and gave it a 0 star rating. The Toronto Star even created a one time rating of 'negative one star out of five'.

I consider it brilliantly hilarious. I laughed my fucking ass off from the first scene to the closing credits. Tom Green could not have had a better vehicle for his unique brand of humor than this awesome movie. It's definitely one of my all-time favorite comedy films! Go out and get the fucking DVD....NOW!!!!!!! 5 stars!! A+!!! HIGHLY RECCOMMENDED!!!!!!!

NOTE: Ebert gave THUMBS UP to the niggerized 'Honeymooners' movie..........

How to Die of a Massive Heart Attack Before the Age of 25 by Tommy Ryan

For the past 3 nights, i've had the same thing for dinner. A Big Mac and large fry from McDonalds. Mmmmmmmmm.....

Should I go for 4?!?!

10 Random Facts About the Greatest Person That Ever Lived!

1.) I *ONLY* drink water!!! (pure, regular water...not the gross flavored hippie shit.)

2.) I was a penis for Halloween last year. (pics soon)

3.) I've had 12 video cameras in 5 years and 10 digital cameras in 4 years. (I beat the shit out of my equipment!)

4) I have one of the fattest fucking cats in the world! (again..pics soon, nigs.)

5.) As as preteen, I was the singer in 2 bands. We played mostly song parodies. ('Genitals Between Us' was a big hit for us.)

6.) I only wear funny, offensive t-shirts. (I have a 'My nuts are bigger than yours' squirrel tee set aside for funerals.)

7.) I have a bigass collection of Weekly World News papers. (America's ONLY good fucking newspaper, R.I.P.!)

8.) Every birthday I fill the bathtub with my presents and bathe myself in them. (I scrubbed my balls with a South Park DVD last year.)

9.) I was quoted in a local newspaper 10 years ago about Pokemon cards. (much like hot pants and Obamamania... it was just a stupid fucking fad.)

10.) I've eaten at Burger King every Wednesday for the past 6 years. (Fuck healthy eating!!!)

TESTING!!!

Asshole Nigger Penis Fuck!!!!

EDIT: IT WORKED!!!!!